Remembering Nana

Today was my Nana's funeral. She was an extraordinary woman and she is missed. Here is the eulogy I wrote for her service:
​Bennie Lenora Alexander was born on May 4, 1927 to Edgar and Edna in Roff, Oklahoma. She was the youngest of 9 children. She had one sister and seven brothers.
 
A constant companion in her life was Jack Dempsey Walker. Their families were extremely close, in fact, Bennie’s mother assisted in Jack’s birth. They were neighbors, schoolmates, and friends. Long after Jack & Bennie were married, Jack’s father married Bennie’s mother after their respective spouses had passed away.
 
As a child, Bennie adored her older sister Edna, and called her “Sis” her entire life. She also looked up to her sister-in-law Alene, wife of Paul, and felt so special when she handed down her clothes to her. They remained close throughout their lives.
 
Bennie was 16 and Jack 18 when Jack was drafted into the Army. The two were deeply in love, and Bennie’s parents gave them permission to marry because they knew Jack would be in the Pacific and Bennie could continue to live at home and finish high school. Sis told her she was “a little fool” to get married so young, but came through in the end by giving her a brand new dress for her wedding.
 
They married in the courthouse in Ada, Oklahoma, and spent the next two years apart while Jack served in the war.
 
During that time, Bennie would wait every day for mail from Jack. She would sneak out of a school window to dash to the Post Office looking for a letter from him, and received a “switching” once when she was caught.
 
Bennie worked at an ice cream shop during those years as well. She recalled being told to turn away any African-Americans who wanted to purchase ice cream. She felt the injustice of it, but as a young adult who needed to keep her job, she did not speak up.
 
She also tells of the time when she had a rare opportunity to ride a bike a friend had just received. As she was hopping on to the bike, her pastor and some ladies from the church scolded her and told her she wasn’t being proper, saying, “You can’t ride a bike in a dress!”
Beni said, “Watch me!” She wasn’t about to miss out, regardless of propriety.
 
Bennie was very outspoken and had a strong sense of justice. You always knew how she felt about something. I believe these early adulthood experiences shaped her into being a strong and confident woman who knew what was important in life.
 
After two years of service, Jack returned home. They decided to move to California to look for work.
 
They arrived in Southern California and stayed with Bennie’s brother Lyn for a time, living in his garage. Housing was scarce due to all of the men returning home after the war.
 
They eventually found an apartment in Long Beach, CA where Jack worked at Douglas Aircraft. He worked on the DC-9 and later became a mail carrier. Bennie worked in a sardine factory for a time for less than $1 an hour and remembers her hands constantly smelling like fish. She also worked at Sees Candy.
 
Bennie was a stay at home mom in the early years of Pam and Trudi’s lives. They eventually bought a home in Artesia, California, and lived there until they moved to Turlock. The family remembers many holidays and dinners in that house, with fun out on the patio playing Ping Pong, Janice Wagner and I playing restaurant, and watching TV in their sunken living room.
 
Bennie’s last and longest employment was with North American Rockwell in the printing department. She eventually gained classified status and worked on confidential documents pertaining to the Space Shuttle program. Brooke remembers all of the leftover colored paper she would bring home for me and Janice to draw and craft with.
 
During their girls’ growing up years Bennie worked full-time while she kept a spic and span house and sewed all of her girls’ clothes, including bridesmaids’ dresses for both Pam and Trudi’s weddings. Trudi has a special memory of Bennie staying up late for many nights sewing special baby doll clothes for their Christmas dolls as well as all of their holiday dresses.
 
Pam and Trudi remember Friday nights were for grocery shopping. Going to the very first McDonald’s for $.25 hamburgers was a rare treat. Saturdays were for house cleaning and laundry, including ringing out clothes through the ringer, line drying, starching and ironing.
 
Summer family vacations were always spent in Oklahoma to visit family. Food was packed and brought along, and they would stop for one night on their 3 day road trip because finances were tight.
 
Pam and Trudi remember a few other special trips camping and sleeping under the stars.
 
Pam has a fun memory of her mom being quite mischievous. One Halloween, they ran out of candy to hand out, so Bennie dressed herself and Pam up in sheets as ghosts, and went around the neighborhood trick or treating. One neighbor, a good friend saw her height and asked, “Aren’t you a little old to be trick or treating?” Bennie never gave herself away.
 
In 1976, Jack was attacked by a pit bull while on his postal route. His injuries were serious, and from that time on he was disabled and retired from full-time work. In a time where most women were homemakers, Bennie worked full-time while Jack cared for the home. He had a hot meal waiting for her each evening. Even though roles were reversed, this never seemed to be an issue for the two of them. They worked together through each part of life with much love, companionship, and symmetry.
 
In their empty nest years, they camped in their trailer, and were part of a square dancing club, which they enjoyed immensely and spent their weekends doing. They met many dear friends through that club and remained friends with several of them throughout the entire adult lives.
 
​Bennie retired, and they followed Phil and Trudi and Pam’s migration to Northern California in the early 80’s and settled in Turlock.
 
Bennie developed a talent and love for ceramics. She painted many beautiful Santas, Christmas trees, and had several boutiques selling her wares. Many friends and family still have her creations displayed in their homes. She made 35 cherubs for centerpieces for Brooke’s wedding.
 
In their 60’s Jack and Bennie decided they wanted a pool. Bennie had never learned to swim and was terrified of the water. Ever the courageous woman, she and the pool built and then hired a swim teacher and learned to swim.
 
Everyone knew Jack and Bennie were deeply in love. There never was another for either of them. Bennie lost Jack to Alzheimer’s in October 2005.
 
Kassi lovingly remembers Nana putting bananas on her Cheerios, bike rides with Nana and Papa on the Cal State Stanislaus campus, and Nana’s love for babies. She would tease Kassi that she was like the old lady in the shoe, with so many kids she didn’t know what to do.
 
The last decade of her life was spent with her girls, attending Berkeley Ave. Baptist church, serving on the prayer chain and attending Sunday School and Keenagers. She was voracious reader, and loved her grandchildren and great-children. She had some very special friends who lived in her neighborhood. She lived independently until pneumonia and then a broken hip required assisted care off and on during this last spring and summer. Even then, she was determined to go home. It was with pure will power that she recovered from her hip surgery in 7 weeks. She was home for a month on her own before she started to decline. After 9 days in the hospital she fell asleep and woke up in the arms of Jesus and Jack, the last of the Ed Alexander family to enter heaven.
 
She is survived by her daughter Pam Hoskins, Trudi Weerheim, who were with her every day of the last several years of her life, their husbands Bob Hoskins and Phil Weerheim, granddaughters, Kassi Van Vliet and husband Darren, myself and my husband Brent, and six great-grandchildren: Caleb, Annie, and Amie Boersma, Aubrie, Emma, and Noah Van Vliet.
 
Bennie was unapologetically, fully herself. There was no one like her. She loved the Lord, her husband, and her family fiercely.
 
She will be greatly missed, but there is no greater comfort than to know she was confident she would spend eternity in heaven because of her faith in Jesus Christ, her Savior. We sang “The Old Rugged Cross” today because it Papa’s favorite. It’s because of that cross and the empty tomb that we have hope to see both him and Nana someday. We are also singing “When the Roll is Called up Yonder”. Nana chose that song, which is so fitting. She knew who she was and was confident in where she was going. Death has no sting for those of us left behind because of this hope in Jesus.
 
Hers was a life well lived. We are grateful for her, and that she fell asleep peacefully, her roll being called to up yonder to her home in the skies.